Blood, Colds, and Mother's Day

As almost all people were celebrating Mother's Day, I was like a grinch hating this day.....

Don't get me wrong... I always love celebrating Mother's Day and was enthusiastic sending greetings to all my relatives, friends and colleagues. But that was before I embarked on this journey of the TTC world.

I had a terrible cold a day before Mother's Day and it got aggravated because I was having night shift. And what terrible could have happen but to have my AF on the dawn of the day which I was hoping to celebrate for myself this year -- I wanted to become a mother on Mother's Day but AF is a witch snatching that hope and leaving my heart battered and bruised once again...

I was already 6 days delayed on the eve of Mother's Day. And there was this litte voice in me shouting that I might be celebrating Mother's Day indeed the next day! I planned to do HPT when I got home and I was already picturing the 2 lines and the oh-so-emotional celebration of Mother's Day with hubby... By the way, this cycle was longer than the previous one which I do not know whether the acupuncture sessions or Clomid was the reason.

And really, it was emotional! AF just arrived in time! AF is really a party pooper! Again, another cycle to wait and of course another heartbreak to face.

And it was like a punishment when I opened facebook. Everyone I knew were happily celebrating Mother's Day. The women of my age and younger than me were posting pictures of their children and babies celebrating the day. Quotes on motherhood and the joys of having a child are everywhere.... The pain was sinking in again. It was like I was stabbed already but they still twinged the knife so many times so I could really feel the pain.

Hubby told me to stop checking FB and just rest because my body was already weak because of the AF and flu-like symptoms. He also assured me that we will have our babies soon so I don't need to worry.

I am happy for those who experienced already motherhood. Even if I don't want to see their photos in facebook, I don't despise them. I just can't bear to see the happiness they are having which I don't have. It makes me feel sadder...more incomplete.

Mother's Day was indeed an emotional day for me. How I wish the next time it will come, I would be able to celebrate it this time. Still keeping the faith and hope.

More and More Needles

I had my 2nd and "3rd"sessions of acupuncture last May 1 (3 days after my first session) but I was too tired to write about it. I don't know if it was the effect of acupuncture but after that day, I wanted to sleep rather than do anything for the next days. Then aside from that, I was having bad colds, which might also be an effect of acupuncture (I once read in the internet that after acupuncture, some people tend to have colds as a reaction to the re-invigoration of the immunity system. As i quote "Once acupuncture treatment enhanced the immunity, as if the army is armed ready to fight the invader again, cold and flu symptoms reappear.")

In just one day, the chinese acupuncturist gave me "two" sessions. I cannot understand him clearly because of the language barrier but he was telling me something about "hot" and "cold" treatment. Of course, the payment was twice because they charged me for 2 sessions already. I noticed that there were more needles inserted compared to my 1st session. And the treatment lasted for 1 hour -- 30 minutes lying only with needles and another 30 minuted where electricity was applied thru the needles.

The needles were inserted from head to toe. He inserted needles also on my face, stomach and neck which he did not do in my first session. The 2nd session was definitely more painful than the first. My body was twinging with every stroke of the needles. The most painful area when he inserted the needle was in my inner side of my right foot. I felt very heavy on that part as well as in my right abdomen. I cannot breathe deeply because there was a shooting pain in my right side of abdomen whenever I was taking a deep breath to relax. My mind was wandering and my imagination playing thinking that I might be full of blood already in my legs and abdomen because I felt that my veins were bursting!

I told my acupuncturist I was having pain in my abdomen and he signal a thumbs up and saying it is ok, that the acupuncture was working. That was the time that my body relaxed a bit knowing that there was nothing wrong.

When the electricity was applied, my right leg became numb. I can't even feel the electricity running. I just knew that there was electricity because my right toe was moving every second the electricity flows to my leg.

I felt relaxed when electro-acupuncture was done minus the time that there were still shooting pains in my right abdomen. I thought that time was not moving. I wanted it to finish already because my body became heavy and I just want those needles removed because I feel there is so much 'something" in my body that need to be release.

When the session was finished and the needles were removed, I ran right away to the toilet to pee. I just peed before the acupuncture and after an hour, my bladder was so full. They said it is one way that shows my body is responding good to the treatment.

When I got home, my hubby and I were too sleepy. We were sleepy for the next 1 week after our treatment.   But then my body just felt like I hit the gym for the first time -- my muscles were aching but there was this relief feeling still.

We have not gone back to the clinic for another session because I need to have an ultrasound first to see if there is any improvement in my reproductive organs. Also, we need to check whether my next menstruation will be much better now.

By the way, even not recommended by our acupuncturist, we tried to ask him for chinese herbs. So he took my pulse in both hands for 15 minutes, inspected my tongue and wrote his presciption (in Chinese!). He could not explain better how we are going to take it. My hubby was laughing already because we were like playing charades -- the acupuncturist doing some actions and sounds while hubby and I were trying to guess what he was telling LOL! Anyways, since we did not understand what are these herbs for and the herbs are too much pricey (500 dirhams for just one week), we decided to disregard the chinese herbs.