2nd Monitored Cycle -- Fertab + Natural Method

Life must go on after failed IUI#1. But we would not resort to IUI#2 for now because of the following reasons:

1) Dr. T is thousands of miles away from us, we are back in Dubai and she is in Bulacan. Hence, no follow-up workup can be done to check what went wrong and why we failed.

2) I have done my research on IUI here in Dubai and it costs double the amount of IUI in the Philippines. I think we need to save money first before deciding to have IUI#2 done here in Dubai. Also, apart from the IUI expenses, there will be other medical test and fertility medicine expenses which also cost a fortune.

3) We don't have the luxury of time to prepare ourselves for an IUI as we just got back to work from our treatment in Philippines.

4) We like to try it the natural way. Who knows, we can be lucky now.

But this time, we will combine natural method with clomiphene citrate (well known as Clomid) to induce ovulation so we can time our baby dance for a higher success rate. I have taken Serophene on my first IUI so I have already the prescription and I know what day to take them.

However, we were having a hard time looking for Clomid or Serophene in pharmacies here in Dubai. Instead, they gave us another brand, Fertab. It is much cheaper but who knows what would be its side effect. We did not have any option but to buy it. It is also clomiphene so it does the same thing in our body.

I started on CD 2, March 11, and will take it for 5 days straight, twice a day. I just do hope that follicles will mature and release good eggies later.

We were looking also for Basal Body Thermometer to aid me in keeping track of my temperature to know when I ovulate but I haven't found one yet. I will probably try the high-end pharmacies at the mall where UK brands are being sold and hopefully I can find BBT and ovulation kits as well.

For now, I will try to do research on Fertab's success rates and stories. I can't help it, I'm just an addict researcher! :)

Picking up the Pieces...Pray, Hope, and Don't Worry

I have been crying for 2 days already, just giving myself time to cry it all out and of course, move on again. This is how frustrating and depressing childless couple could become. But I should not give up, I will not give up. No one is to be blamed for this failed cycle again. It is still not the right time, I guess.

But for now, I will just slowly pick up the pieces and ponder what to do next. I am asking for God's enlightenment and guidance to guide us to the right path towards parenthood. I know He is always with us and continue to bless us.

I am thankful for my husband and my family who are very supportive and are with me during this stage. I know my husband is also saddened but he tries to be strong for me. I am trying to be strong but 6 years of waiting made me more vulnerable to heartaches and pain.

I am entrusting everything to God, in His own time, He knows when to bless us with a beautiful and healthy child.  I am not losing faith and hope. As Padre Pio said -- PRAY, HOPE, AND DON'T WORRY!

"Truly I say to you, ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and it will be opened to you".

"Truly I say to you, if you ask anything of the father in my name, He will give i to you".

Diary on Post-IUI -- The Dreadful 2WW

Here is a list of what I experienced and have done during the 2 week waiting period:

1dpiui - bed rest only. I started on Utrogestan 200mg twice a day -- one in the morning and one at night. I had to take this for 10 days straight. It is a vaginal suppository that will help I think in thickening the endometrium to support pregnancy. If not pregnant, you will still get AF once it is due. I started to eat pineapple also especially the hard part because as per my research the hard part contains bromelain that aids in implantation. Then there is the grape juice a glass a day also.I was religiously taking evening primrose oil also and I still took it on 1dpiui along with folic acid, metformin, calcium and vitamin E. Light cramping was experienced also on and off.

2dpiui - Light cramping was still there but I got out of bed already and went to Libis to visit Padre Pio of Pietrelcina Center. I believe that Dr.T was made an instrument by God to direct me to this shrine as Padre Pio will help us with our petition. From then on until now, I am still praying to Padre Pio for his intercession. With regards to the meds, I stopped taking primrose oil because I read that it should not be taken after ovulation as it is labor-inducing drug and might affect implantation.

3dpiui till 5dpiui - no bedrest for me. I just went on my normal routine but with some cautions. No lifting or doing strenous work. However, I was not able to avoid long walking as I was out with my family. I was also preparing for our departure going back to Dubai so 4dpiui and 5dpiui I was quite busy packing.

6dpiui - our flight going back to Dubai. I was so scared this will affect implantation because of the air pressure up there. Even if Dr. T assured us that we can resume to normal activities after IUI and I can still fly but given my current bodily condition, I am not sure if it was really safe. Hubby and I had doubts but we can't do anything. We can't extend our stay in Philippines because our work is waiting already. So off we go and took the risk. During the whole flight, I felt cramps and gassy feeling until we arrived at home.

7dpiui - got to do household chores early in the morning and went to our admin office to bargain about my schedule for March. To sum up, no rest at all after the flight.

8dpiui - on and off cramps, some household chores, preparing for work the next day. By the way, in between these days I was also having breast soreness, nausea, back pain, hot flashes at night and quite higher than normal temperature.

9dpiui - severe abdominal cramps with sharp pain all over while at work. Plus sharp pain also on lower back. I was scared also at this time as I do not know what is the reason for the severe cramping. Maybe I was just stressed again of going back to work.

10dpiui - I had to report sick thinking that there is something wrong with me because of the cramps and high temperature the night before. I was searching for a Filipino OB doctor here in Dubai but no one. I prayed to Padre Pio to guide me in looking for a doctor who can see us and alas, I was able to find a clinic with 2 Filipina doctors. Though they are both GPs, they also handle ob-gyne cases as per the receptionist in the clinic. So off we went to Philippine Medical Center for a checkup. I was advised to undergo cultured urinalysis to rule out UTI. The doctor also told me it is still early to establish pregnancy. And if severe abdominal cramps occur again, I have to undergo pelvic scan to see what is happening inside.

11dpiui - cramping went away and was anxious to know the result of the urinalysis. The doctor called me in the afternoon advising me the result of the urinalysis, but only the basic one, not yet the cultured report. She said that the cultured report will be available only 2 days after. But she advised me that there is +1 bacteria in my urine sample and she still cannot establish whether this is significant or not as we have to wait for the culture report. She also emphasized that I have again high glucose in my sample so I need to take my meds again regularly and monitor it otherwise it will be risky for my pregnancy if confirmed.

12dpiui - all pregnancy symptoms disappeared so I obsessed researching the internet about symptoms after IUI and effects of the hormones  I was taking. I was scared that AF will come anytime soon.  I was also afraid that all the symptoms I was experiencing earlier were only because of the progesterone that I was taking...

13dpiui - still no symptoms at all except occasional soreness of boobs and very light cramping. Hubby and I bought 3 HPTs, 2 cheap ones and the other 1 a more sensitive and expensive one. I was told by Dr. T to test on March 7. It was only March 5 but my hands itched and I tested in the night. Sadly it was a BFN. But I did not lose hope. I was thinking it was still too early for hpt to determine hcg level in my urine and there are cases when they tested BFN but later BFP on beta test. So hubby and I kept on encouraging ourselves that it was still early. But deep inside me, there was a pinch already in my heart. I was silently crying and I resorted to praying and talking to God, to the point of asking for a miracle to make the hpt positive next time...I had a vivid bad dream also -- accident that involved my sister. Kaya I was more anxious pa.

14dpiui - still no symptoms and no AF. Now obsessing on stories where it was BFN and then BFP later. Obsessing also on possible pregnancy symptoms. The doctor from PMC again called me and updated me regarding the result of the culture urinalysis and she said I am cleared of any infection. Thank God!

15dpiui - I kept on praying to God and to Padre Pio to give me sign if I am pregnant or not. I needed time to relax and keep my mind away from this pregnancy symptoms so hubby and I went out.

16dpiui - around 4am I can't stop my hands and I tested again. This time it was invalid! I used the expensive hpt but the control window line did not show! Oh I guess that was not the sign I was asking for from God. So again, I obsessed on searching for post IUI stories. I was quite depressed already so I resort to reading testimonies in Padre Pio's site. I even search for bible verses for inspiration and strength. This was the day I prayed so hard and pour my heart out to let me know what I have to expect.

17dpiui - I did not feel good about going to work so I took a pass. I was crying at 430am asking hubby for a permission to just skip work. He said OK and then later on asked me if there is something wrong with me. I just felt something wrong deep inside. And the dreadful wait is over, in the afternoon, I saw already brown spotting on my undies when I was about to take a bath. Tears started flowing on my cheeks and I was crying the whole time I was taking a bath. This is it.... The sign God gave me... This was not the right time. As I am really heartbroken, I asked for another local leave the next day just to give time for me to compose myself, grieve for a while, and absorb all these things.

My AF came in its full force today, March 10, 18dpiui or should I say CD1. Off to a new cycle... But I am quite lost where to start again as I am thousand miles away from our fertility specialist...I am entrusting everything to God now. May He guide us to the right path towards having a baby.

Padre Pio Encounter - Touching Our Hearts

I did not know Padre Pio until I came across his name in the forums for TTC women in the internet. They said they went to Padre Pio shrine and asked for a baby and he performs miracles. I did not pay much attention to this and I just continued researching on the do's and dont's before and after IUI.

Then on the day of my IUI, Dr. T asked me if we are Catholic. I said yes and she recommended for us to go to Padre Pio shrine in Libis just to offer prayers as her other patients also went there to ask for a baby. So I know deep in my heart that God and Padre Pio has put into my doctor's mouth that He is inviting me to visit this sanctuary.

Before going there, I did my research and found out that celebrities Julius Babao and Tintin Bersola also received miracle from Padre Pio when they asked for another baby when Tintin was having difficulty conceiving also. This made my urge to go to this chapel stronger. I read some other testimonies also about Padre Pio and I know that I am very much willing to welcome him into my life.

So we went to Libis on February 22 despite the heavy rain. I should not be travelling that far given that I only had IUI 2 days ago but there was this force that was pulling me to go there. I went to Libis with my hubby, my brother and my sister.

Our initial plan was just to visit the place, offer our prayers and then go home. We left Malolos at 12nn and we expected to arrive in Padre Pio Shrine at around 2pm if we find it right away. We did not know where it is located so we asked our uncle who was driving a taxi to drive with us so we won't be lost. The Holy Mass on a Friday is held at 0530pm which is quite late already. We were thinking we will not attend the mass anymore.

But we do not know for some reason, we were held up from Tandang Sora until Ateneo in Katipunan for a few hours due to heavy traffic. Hence, we arrived at Padre Pio Shrine past 3pm already and I decided to wait for the Holy Mass. I was telling my siblings and my hubby that it was Padre Pio who made it that traffic on our way so that we can attend his holy mass. Upon going home, there was no traffic at all.

Upon entering the chapel, you can experience the solemnity. We went right away to Padre Pio relic and fall in line to pray for his intercession. Good thing we were quite early because at around 430pm they stopped already the line in preparation for the Holy Rosary and Holy Mass.

When it was our turn to say our prayers to Padre Pio, I noticed the sweet scent of the roses. It is very calming standing in front of him. As my hubby and I were praying, I can't help but cry. I was trying to hold back my tears but they all went treaming down my cheeks. I guess Padre Pio knows already how I really want to have a baby.

After saying our petition, we wrote our prayer requests and dropped them in the box behind us.

We were not familiar with the chapel's layout and I was just looking around trying to figure out where are those areas that I saw in the internet like the other small chapel, the aviary, the souvenir shops, and the sacred place. So we just followed the others who entered and exited the other doors. And alas, we were guided towards another solemn nook. Here, we also lighted our candles for our petition.

We went also inside Il Luogo Sacro (The Sacred Place) and it is a really very solemn place, where one can find peace of mind.

We were not able to visit the aviary as it was raining hard that day. By the time we finished roaming around and buying souvenirs, it was already time for the Holy Rosary and very shortly, the Holy Mass. It was a heartwarming mass and it was ended by veneration of oil to all devotees.

If I am still in the Philippines, I will continue visiting Padre Pio. I promise myself to visit him again on my next visit to Manila. Even if he has not granted yet my prayers, I know that he is listening to me and waiting for the right time to give our heart's desire. Padre Pio has become one of my favorites now and I am continuously praying for his intercession.

IUI #1

Sorry for the delayed updates. The succeeding posts will reveal why I hibernated for a while.

February 20, 2013

The start of a new hope... Hopefully the start of building our own family. We went to CRM in Ortigas at 6am to avoid being late on our 9am appointment. Hubby and I went there with my sister and my brother-in-law who drove us to Ortigas.

We arrived at 0830am in CRM and hubby had his specimen collected at 0850am. The sperm washing will take around 2 hours and my scheduled IUI will be at 1230pm so we had to wait for a couple of hours.

The other TTC couple with Dr. T was also there and will have the same procedure almost the same time as ours.

Dr. T arrived at 12 noon and I was asked to empty my bladder and lie down in the IUI room at 1215pm. I was a little bit scared because I do not know whether it will be painful or not, though in the internet they said it is painless. At around 12nn, I took Feldene melt tablet as instructed by Dr.T just to make sure that I don't feel any pain.

The actual procedure lasted only about 5 minutes and I did not feel any pain apart from the insertion of speculum and a sudden surge in my right abdomen -- probably my hubby's sperms trying to get their way to my dominant follicles on my right ovary.

I was told to lie down and wait for 1 hour just to make sure that the sperms settle in my body. While waiting, Dr.T mentioned out of nowhere that I should try visit Padre Pio Shrine in Libis, Quezon City because most of her patients went there also asking for babies.

Also, Dr.T gave me a medical certificate requesting for my work be on a day shift pattern while waiting for the pregnancy to be confirmed just to avoid stress while on the 2 week waiting period.

After the IUI, when we arrived home, I had brown spotting and it must have been on the speculum because after some time it stopped already.

I had to take bedrest for a day or two just not to stress out myself.